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Hi. I am working on a book about Wealhtheow, a character from the old epic Beowulf. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me. I'm going to put it behind a cut (I hope I do this right). Thanks!
She stood in front of her parents. Her hands clasped, her spine straight. Her bearded father reached for a small cloth bundle on the table beside him. He unwrapped it to reveal a shining torc of simple design.
“We thought it was time for you to have this,” her mother said.
“Wealhtheow, you’ll be going away soon.” Her father looked at her. She was young and slender. He glanced at her mother, who was once also young and slender. The mother’s gaze remained on Wealhtheow, while Wealhtheow’s eyes remained on her father’s seated figure.
Every warrior of the hall wore a torc similar to the one her father held. He had presented countless men with ornaments much finer. Unadorned Wealhtheow was no warrior, wore no treasure. Though the daughter of the king, she was just a daughter. The gold of the torc glinted in the flickering firelight.
Her father had contracted her marriage, she knew. He would give her jewellery; she would display his wealth and power with fine gold in her husband’s hall. Her brother entered, steaming from the rain outside. He had been learning to wield an axe from one of the weathered warriors. Seeing the torc, he approached Wealhtheow, towering above his sister.
“Whose is that?”
“It belonged to your Grandfather. It was won in battle from Onthrel the Swede.”
“May I see it?” Her brother took the torc and fastened it around his neck. Her father looked down at the boy.
“It is befitting of a young warrior,” he mused. He placed his calloused hand on the boy’s shoulder. “But you will earn your own, in time.” Wealhtheow removed the heirloom from her brother’s neck, holding the thick necklace of gold in her rough fingers.
“If you put your hand in the sea, it will ease your blisters,” she told her younger brother. Wealhtheow felt the ache of hours learning to wield weaponry when she was his age. She looked at her brother’s round face, his tousled blond hair. Once she left for her husband’s house, she might not see him again.
Wealhtheow’s mother watched her through half-lidded eyes.
January 30 2010, 07:30:44 UTC 2 years ago
Her father looked at her. She was young and slender. He glanced at her mother, who was once also young and slender. The mother’s gaze remained on Wealhtheow, while Wealhtheow’s eyes remained on her father’s seated figure.
The mother is awkwardly phrased, and the repetition of "young and slender" is boring. Far too sparse on description. Also, I don't know where this is in the book but there is very little in the way of background info.
Mechanics are fine, dialogue is fine. It's just kind of boring and uninvolving.
February 1 2010, 04:29:34 UTC 2 years ago
February 19 2010, 03:43:47 UTC 2 years ago
Everyone's a critic
I hate that show don't tell junk. Are you trying to tell a story, or play charades??The story would be just fine with a few more colourful tags included. And the only way to do that is to take your time and describe things! ie. Where are they exactly? What's the father's chair made of? It matters, after all, that people know what you're talking about.
February 24 2010, 18:53:10 UTC 2 years ago
Re: Everyone's a critic
I want to be certain I know what you mean by colourful tags. Just description and details? Or is it something more than that? Thanks!February 25 2010, 05:03:14 UTC 2 years ago
Re: Everyone's a critic
Well, I only really say tags, to avoid saying 'words' or 'language.' If you want to do what I think, make some changes like this:Here is your opening line,
"She stood in front of her parents. Her hands clasped, her spine straight. Her bearded father reached for a small cloth bundle on the table beside him. He unwrapped it to reveal a shining torc of simple design."
The words I like: clasped, spine, bearded, unwrapped...
The words I don't: stood, cloth, simple design...
Well, I sppose you might need 'stood' to include 'spine,' but the gist here is that I want to see the way she stands, the colour and weave of the cloth, and the simplicity of the design ie. unmarked, unblemished gold, or is there a design?
Hope it helps
-C-
February 26 2010, 00:02:55 UTC 2 years ago
It's really cool to see that you're writing about Wealhtheow, as she does not get enough limelight.
Just a few notes, of a more historical nature:
In "Beowulf", Wealhtheow is described as a "peaceweaver", the idea being that women linked people together in early Anglo-Saxon society. Marriage created and solidified alliances, and this very binding contract was a way for women to exhibit power. It is highly unlikely that Wealhtheow's contracted marriage would be considered a bad thing, or that she (or anybody) would be concerned about not loving her future husband.
Second note is that women of the court rarely left the court. Wealhtheow spends the entirety of "Beowulf" inside Heorot. In fact, the only female character in "Beowulf" who breaks out of her gender norms is Grendel's mother, when she leaves her own court in the underworld to retrieve Grendel's arm. So if you are planning to transport Wealhtheow anywhere, it should be for very good reason.
I'm a bit mystified as to why Wealhtheow, a woman of the court, would have been taught to wield weapons, but maybe I'm reading too much into the historically/literary accuracy and too little into the fiction aspect.
February 27 2010, 19:53:16 UTC 2 years ago
And Wealhtheow's duties would have involved organizing defense of her home when the men were away raiding or waging war. So yes, many women were taught some weaponry. Not as much as men, but they would have some basic training so that they could fulfill their duties to the home.
I agree that Grendel's mother is the only one who breaks out of gender norms, but gender norms among the Germanic peoples in the early medieval period are not how we often imagine them.
March 1 2010, 00:25:13 UTC 2 years ago
March 4 2010, 23:01:34 UTC 2 years ago
March 3 2010, 04:56:59 UTC 2 years ago
Beowulf and new historicism
I think we know far less than the academics think about the Anglo-Saxon world of Beowulf. What historians do is use a limited number of facts discovered in the archive to describe all life and culture at that time. Hence the disappearance, exclusion of other practices, experiences not in the those limited resources. As though we described 21st century women by what someone dug up on American Idol or Britney Spears homepage. Foucault might be a useful theoretical backup for this research...Hence, women training to fight, travelling, etc. could very well have been, if not standard behaviour, common.
March 3 2010, 17:36:49 UTC 2 years ago
Re: Beowulf and new historicism
It's good that you used academics to criticize academicsMarch 4 2010, 23:07:18 UTC 2 years ago
Re: Beowulf and new historicism
Facts in the archive? Do you mean like the sagas and epics? I'm starting to read through that stuff. I hope you don't mean that I'm writing Wealhtheow like Brittany Spears. That's not what I'm trying to do at all.Is this the guy you mean by Foucault? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Fou
March 6 2010, 00:04:56 UTC 2 years ago
Re: Beowulf and new historicism
Yup, that's the M. Foucault I meant. By facts in the archive, I meant not just the sagas and epics, but all the material the archaeologists, historians, etc. have gathered together to attempt to represent the world of that time and place. I'm saying that that world is of our invention, at least in some part, and therefore, it's not so easy to make claims about what women could or couldn't do, or more to the point, what some woman might have done anyway. Foucault in Archaeology of Knowledge rethinks the way we do history. He also wrote a history of _Madness and Civilization_ and _The History of Sexuality_, which I figure has something to do with Theow... no?